Where is home?

I have been busy looking, thus it has almost been two months since I last blogged. I thought I did enough to finally get a home, but this season has instead tested that very lifelong desire of mine. Am I making the right decisions? Am I taking the right direction? Indeed I questioned -- and not just the fact that I'm still as transient as before, but I questioned the very essence of why I had dreamed of having a home. 

So much has been revealed since that victorious day, but I have to admit the heart is still in the process of mending, and that I am still constantly asking. I am asking to the point that I again started questioning and, worse, rant about all that's happening. 

Is it just because the schedule has not been followed? I couldn't care less, actually, but the fact that I know I'm bumping into a lot of people because of choosing a different path, I could feel the pain of every contact.

The fact it, Webster will still define home as a place, a residence, a dwelling, and not a heart's condition. It's sad because while I am trying to remind myself that the essence of home is not "where" but it's with "whom," the latter could still not satisfy the void. The fact it, family has never been defined in my life.

And so I wrestle with Him. I cried. I pray. But the haunting continues. The heart is continuously being bruised. I bump, I learn, I collide, I hurt and I continue to long. I continue to desire. In fact, I will continue to desire. I don't understand it but I will still believe. When He removed that one last bit that I thought was making me sane, I was actually even happier, and I know I would still continue to live and to dream. What He guaranteed was my purpose, and I know it's enough to still build my home.

Thank you for the reminder via Isaiah 26:4-8:

⁴ Trust in the LORD forever,
   for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal.
⁵ He humbles those who dwell on high,
   he lays the lofty city low;
he levels it to the ground
   and casts it down to the dust.
⁶ Feet trample it down—
   the feet of the oppressed,
   the footsteps of the poor.

 ⁷ The path of the righteous is level;
   you, the Upright One, make the way of the righteous smooth.
⁸ Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws,
   we wait for you;
your name and renown
   are the desire of our hearts.

But I am still carrying too much baggage, Lord. Teach me how to pack my bags; remove the burden so I can keep walking to the right path.