I Heard the Good News in Sagada

If I remember it right, we were walking towards the Hanging Coffins when I received this text message, paraphrasing, "Nacontact na namin ang mama mo" (We were able to contact your mom). I don't remember if I made a call or text to confirm if it's true or not, but all I know was that I was "happily shocked," if there is such a word. But, at that time, really the emotion was more than words could describe.

Bokong Falls, Sagads (2006)

And I believe it's quite fitting that no words could translate the feeling that I had at that moment. I've read status messages saying if there's more to "I love you" or "thank you," that's what they would say to their moms. More so, in my case, that I was finally be able to feel how is it to be nurtured, cared and loved.

It's a long distance relationship, mom, but I could feel your love going beyond texts and calls. Just wanted to say, you've completed the puzzle in my life and that means a lot to me. It's a mystery that despite the long separation, we can sincerely say we love each other. It was at the right timing, mom, and it was all orchestrated by God. I guess that's how He created moms like you, that when I was in your womb we already made a bond. Just wanted to honor you today as it's your day. I love you.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!

Lose Yourself

He gripped hard on his pillow as if holding on from being dragged. His eyes were closed yet it seemed like his vision's as clear as the noon's time. He's fully covered yet he felt he's been stripped off naked. On that night the darkness was blatantly exposing his fear, and he has welcomed it.

He validates his mind was being played. He's never been questioned of his identity more than now. Flashbacks were defining him. Details of his defiance and escapades were as real as the coldness of his room.  It was a bold attempt. If he lose now, he's going to lose forever.

But he was delirious to know it's happening. Finally, he let go of his grip and allowed the thought to expose the truth. He opened his eyes and allowed himself to cry. He took off the sheets and allowed the air to amend the numbness of his heart. It was the greatest fear he has ever felt. On that night he was convinced that he's loved.

Old Clothes for New Hope

My old clothes donated

I remember I was in Grade 3 when I last made an official donation. Much like how commiserable I was at that time for the typhoon's victims, I pitied myself having been able to share only a can of sardines, a can of about-to-expire imported corned beef and two pieces of old clothing (one almost-ripped sando and one loose shirt). I was even scolded by my lola for taking the corned beef without her permission -- that's what you get for procrastinating on your assignments.

That is why I got so excited to finally extend a good amount of help to the victims of Sendong in Mindanao. Some of my friend's extended family members were victims of the typhoon, but instead of asking for help solely for them, they opted to stretch out their blessings to more families in their hometown. I originally was about to share mine to her but the meeting time was in conflict with my shift. Good thing, though, our company was collecting donations as well, thus I still had a chance to donate.

I was ecstatic to let go of the old yet it's a delight to know that it's one act that would bring some people a sign of hope. 

I Read from this Side of the Story

¹⁰When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. ¹¹On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh. (Matthew 2:10-11)

Much like the magi, I am continuously amazed by the reason of the celebration. One thing I've learned this season is the fact that I won't be able to truly share the gift of love until I learn to recognize His grace, be overwhelmed by His love and be yearnful to constantly allow Him to fill my heart.

Merry Christmas, everyone!!!

I Race for My Life

Photo courtesy of Real Life Foundation

I arrived barely 10 minutes before the run. A lot more people were already at the starting point and, most probably, have done enough stretching, unlike me. Do I have to worry? Not a bit, I thought. This run, after all, is not outdo them, but to set a benchmark for myself.

I heard the queue and, with the rush of adrenaline, I wanna run ahead and create a good start. But good thing, though, I have been reminded not to exhaust myself too early in the game as this can tire me throughout the run. 

Harry Potter's Guide on Achieving Victory over Voldemort

Movies are especially designed to lull our imagination, prompting us to wish for scenes to befall as actual personal moments. Ever experienced times wherein you and your friends would stay silent after exiting the movie house? That's due to "movie hangover."

Excited for Harry Potter 7 Part 2

Expectantly, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 also brought me some sense of association. In the hope of waking a dead man, Harry Potter taught and reminded me of the following top tips:

The Heart

A boy sights a young man chilling while slowly sipping his hot coffee. He was probably influenced by the cold December air, coupled with the frizzing effect of the food chain’s air conditioning.  Whether or not the nippy air has something to do with, he was surely the coolest the boy has ever seen. The boy thought he was probably in his mid-twenties, at the right age to be independent and has the all the right to look hippy in his blue regular-fitted shirt, black jacket and faded jeans. The boy was thinking his girlfriend must have adored his height and posture. And he must be there waiting for her. “Cool,” the boy wandered if he will be the same 15 years from that moment.

The young man was clearly who the boy envisioned he wanted to be when he grew up – a sight of independence and courage, virtually alone in the middle of a busy crowd.

The Home

It's about time to live in my own.

I've had 6 different residences, thus I would always find it hard to decide what to put as my mailing address when I fill out an application form. Good thing that's the only concern I have now. Imagine a young kid forced to adjust to different rules, different cultures, different families.

Since then, I've longed to call an actual place my home. 

The Characters

This blog was created because no one was always readily available for a talk. For someone who's not used to sharing life's miseries, that moment was comparable to a James Van Der Beek meltdown in Dawson's Creek.  And just like when Dawson finally decided to accept his fate, I embraced the drama and looked high above the situation I was on. I finally realized I was the one curtailing myself from the world.

The Job

I thought I always knew what I wanted to achieve. After college I planned that I'd be a manager at the age of 25 and I was able to do it. But that was my plan, not His.

Five years may be uncomparable to anyone who could have stayed longer in their respective companies, but the fact that even for a freshman like me (way back in 2005) opportunities of growth were well within reach, it was certainly enough to engross myself to the job.

Yes, call me workaholic but I believe I was more than that when it comes to my career. I actually thought I made a god out of it. While I would always declare that I received all these blessings after I became a Christian, I know that, all this time, I was trying to achieve success to yearn for other people's approval. The motive was wrong. I should be asking for His approval instead.

The Look

This was supposed to be a vanity post, but I couldn't bear seeing too much of myself.

If I am changing my haircut, it's mostly because I wanted to scream changes in my life. But since this time I could only do a semi-military cut, I thought I'll wear the change instead.

New glasses

Entering A New Season

I suddenly found myself taking a different route. All that has happened (and is happening, as of this writing) seemed to have conspired to totally open an all-new season in my life. While some are planned, most events transpired without even the slightest hint -- in fact all are too drastic that I can't even keep up and I just had to let it slide.

The moments are too unprecedented and I just realized I am in a story arc that's bound to end yet another chapter. It's season finale indeed. But as much as I hate to create a big deal out of these moments, I know they had to matter. After all, the outcome may either build or destroy my character.

While I don't intend to shed my whole life to the world, these series of posts are meant to record the emotion and thoughts that I know I can sentimentally value, gushing on that crazy, zealous idea that I can surreptitiously inspire others.

Hit the episodes below:

I Find It Hard to Speak Up

I guess that's why I am blogging. Nevertheless, despite that, I hate sharing problems. I just used halo-halo and tithing to release all my negative emotions at that time.

I guess it's the ego in me -- that I have been used to solving my problems alone (or at least with so little help from others). I was just lectured at work yet I don't feel like throwing the lecture down to my subordinates. The bad thing is, I feel like most people are misunderstanding me.  I just can't be angry. I DON'T LIKE getting angry at all. Last time I acted too emo, I almost lost my good friends.

And so they say I'm too aloof; I say I prefer to reserve my thoughts till I have the right words to use.

And so they say I'm a snob; I say I'm not used to being noticed, and oh, by the way, it's not my fault that my eyebrows meet halfway.

And so they say I'm too assuming; I say I don't like doubts affecting my goals.

This is for the people asking. I'm sure my friends would agree that I'm too good of an actor when I am around others -- and I dare say we all are. We value trust so much, and I am no difference.

And so they say I'm too emo; I say again I just find it hard to speak up. Isn't it obvious that I am writing instead?

A Tithe Testament

¹⁴ This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. ¹⁵ And if we know that He hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him. 1 John 5:14-15 (New International Version, ©2011)

I have been reassured, and it is not a false promise. Last week's emergency would have left me ranting until now if I have not put my faith in Him.

Five years ago I had a different notion about tithing. I considered it as a church's "cover-up" just to get money. Yes, that's how evil I was, but I was proven wrong, very wrong.

Going back to God was my greatest turning point. I had my greatest realization; I was incredibly changed.

03.31.2011, within that day -- actually approximately within 8 hours -- we had to urgently raise a big amount of money (apologies but I am not giving details to maintain some privacy). After getting that emergancy call, I had to struggle over all sorts of thoughts and emotions, to the point of thinking halo-halo would help. There were sadness, anger, blaming, questioning and even a feeling of excitement to a new life challenge -- it was crazy. While at that moment I became a worrier, for some reason, there was calmness overall. If I were the same person, I would have felt hopeless.

I am a fan

Thia Megia wowed the judges 
by singing "Out Here On My Own"

Escapism via TV. It is this part of the year that I always get excited to catch a new season of American Idol. I became an avid fan, though, only since Season 5. At that time I fell in love with Katharine McPhee. But, of course, I was aware it's been in existence for 10 years now - wow, 10 years! My first glimpse was in Season 3 which made Jasmine Trias a celebrity. It was a breakthrough for Pinoys. And this year, yet another Pinoy made it - only till Top 10, though. Sadly, Thia Megia didn't make it further into the competition. Nevertheless, she won a fan out of me. Yes, I am digging her voice much like how crazy I am with Adele at the moment.

Let me share her AI journey via her i-Tunes music:

UPDATED: Thia performing "Chasing Pavements" on Live with Regis & Kelly! Whoa! If she could have sang some Adele, I wonder what would be the outcome. Hmm... 

Halo-Halo

It's a mix of sweets. The concoction for summer. A treat to a swelling heat. And so I took one from KFC, yes Kentucky Fried Chicken. Their version via KFC Krushers blended all the usual halo-halo ingredients with their dairy slush. I had to take one - I even waited for more than an hour as I ordered too early - just to ease my scorching head! Despite costing Php65, I reckon it'll overpower more than what the weather had induced that day. I badly needed a cool booze. Remember a day when you can't even define how and what you should feel? It's like "drinking" halo-halo - a mix of all the right and wrong elements.

Four Seasons

In awe to Jaja's tumblr entry, I couldn't help but grab a four seasons drink from a local fruitshake stand in Plaza Pacita. I used the opportunity then to take my Saturday food trip fix by matching it with takoyaki and siomai.

It has been my habit to take a stroll over the local palengke before finally going home. And it is not without intention - there's always a slice of hope that something exciting would eventually come my way. But seasons have passed yet I still take the same route, seeing the same faces, walking as the same me.

Vis Maior Cafe at Centro Pacita

And so I was inspired by Jaja's reminiscent of our college years and, as usual, I have to take all that inspiration somewhere, somehow. So then that day, for the first time, I sat on one of their tables to drink my fruitshake and munch over takoyaki and siomai. It's not a big event, not even a moving one, but it sure felt comforting to stop being an expectator and just grace the everyday events.

Since I am eventually moving out of Binan, I thought of using the remaining months to finally experience the usual places I see. And to further fulfill that vow, I am writing this entry in one of Pacita's local cafe's, the Vis Maior Cafe at Centro Pacita. I am soon entering a new season so why not make some encounters with the locals before welcoming new characters into my life?

Random Thoughts: Travel Dreams

I am thinking of giving up my job and just travel for a living. Am I in my right mind? 2011 has kept me thinking after the much stressful corporate drama I had to go through (no details, sorry). But one thing is for sure -- I miss traveling! My best of friends from college made me realize there's more to life than a successful career. Indeed, despite the achievements, I don't feel I am fulfilling my thirst for real "fulfillment."

I have been reading travel blogs and it's an amazement for me that these folks can still find time to bust out of the city and enter new worlds when I can't even squeeze in a time to update this blog!

I originally planned to travel in Malaysia this summer and as usual I am rescheduling it. I still have that notion that traveling requires extensive budgetting, on which I have allotted for my much-dreamed condominium. My broker said I am getting it this June (hopefully). After that, maybe I can go back to traveling, rethink of my options and finally become my real old self again.

Or do I really want to become my old self again? I really don't know. That's why this is also labeled under "random thoughts."

Nameless Heroes

02/25/11. 25th Anniversary of EDSA. But I am not feeling it; maybe I am just too stressed or too preoccupied that I didn't even twit about it as form of commemoration. I guess idealism lessens when you age. Reality's too harsh that sometimes you can't help but just give in.

I wanted to be a hero. Altruism kicked in way back when I was very young - maybe 8 or 10; I really don't remember, but I was very enthusiastic back then. In fact, I thought I was destined to be the next Jose Rizal or Ninoy Aquino. I believe I am not alone into thinking that way - Efren Peñaflorida was named 2010 CNN Hero of the Year. The diference is, he had the guts to risk a corporate career over teaching kids on the streets. And I don't have the boldness to do so - worse, I would usually end up thinking of good ideas and not act on it. And so I blame myself.

Bob Ong's Kapitan Sino

Nevetheless, just like the old saying, it's never too late. I am naming here my new inspiration, that is, Kapitan Sino. The who? He's Rogelio Manglicmot in person. Thanks to Bob Ong, his story is up for grabs in National Bookstore.

My nameless hero

I was so moved that I needed to release all the positive energies in me. But I don't have a venue and I ended up drawing my own nameless hero.


And so I am writing this on EDSA's 25th Anniversary and just realized that I am commemorating it in my own way. We knew EDSA as where about 2,000,000 individuals - most of them nameless workers, parents, yuppies, teens, etc. - risked their lives for freedom and so someone else can benefit.

But I wonder, what if everyone would think as a hero? I guess that would bore us then since struggles are what make our lives so fulfilling. And I love fulfillment. I wanted to feel it in my job, in my family and in every aspect of my life. You can't always have it your way but no matter how difficult, unpleasant, depressing, humiliating it may be, I intend to make a difference. I don't need to be named; each mind remembers anyway.

Happy 25th EDSA Anniversary!